Notes From Solace

Author: teilorduncan

  • Emotions Aren’t That Scary—It’s the Stories We Tell

    Emotions often get a bad reputation. We talk about them like they’re these big, uncontrollable forces that might swallow us whole if we let them in. But the truth is, emotions themselves aren’t all that terrifying. What really weighs us down are the stories we tell ourselves after the emotion shows up.

    Think about it: fear on its own might be a tightening in the chest or a quickening of the breath. Sadness can feel like heaviness in the body, a slow pull of energy. Anger often shows up as a rush of heat. These are just sensations—normal body reactions. And none of them are meant to last forever. The body is designed to feel emotions, process them, and, if we allow it, let them pass.

    The real trouble begins when the mind steps in. We feel sad, and suddenly the story becomes, “I’ll always feel this way,”or “Something must be wrong with me,”  or “ I can never catch a break or win in life.” We feel anxious, and the thought turns into, “I’m not capable,” or “This means I’m broken.” A single moment of emotion stretches into days or weeks because of the narrative we attach to it. In trying to “make sense” of what we feel, we end up making the emotion bigger and scarier than it really is.

    Humans are natural storytellers. We’re wired to create meaning out of everything, including our emotions. And in today’s world, there’s an added pressure to be “emotionally intelligent”. But meaning-making isn’t always helpful. Sometimes it traps us. Instead of letting sadness be sadness or fear be fear, we label it, judge it, and carry it around long after the wave has already moved through. And when our perspectives, beliefs, or value systems are skewed, the stories we create can become distorted too.

    But what if emotions were just messengers? A passing note from the body saying, “Hey, pay attention here.” We don’t have to argue with them or spin them into full-blown stories. We can simply notice: “I’m feeling fear. Something feels uncertain.” Or “I’m feeling anger. Something matters to me.” That’s it. No self-criticism, no doom-filled narrative—just presence.

    When we stop turning emotions into identities, they lose their edge. They stop being these terrifying shadows and instead become part of the rhythm of being human. A rise, a peak, and a fall—like a wave. And once the wave passes, we’re still standing.

    So maybe emotions aren’t the enemy after all. Maybe the scariest part isn’t feeling them, but the stories we’ve been telling about what they mean.

    In softness,

    Teilor

  • When Self-Awareness Becomes a Weapon

    Welcome all! This is the first real blog post, and today I want to explore the topic of self-awareness.

    We often hear that self-awareness is the first step to healing—and that’s unequivocally true. We can’t fix what we don’t know is wrong. But what happens when self-awareness goes too far? When it stops being a tool for growth and becomes a weapon we silently use against ourselves?

    I believe that, as a collective, we’ve overcorrected. Many of us—whether due to trauma, culture, or survival—have become hypervigilant about our areas of improvement. What’s supposed to be a neutral or objective practice has turned into a form of self-monitoring that prevents us from simply being human. Sometimes, it’s even used as a preemptive shield to avoid judgment or criticism from others. It starts to resemble self-consciousness more than self-awareness—but that’s a conversation for another time.

    If you’ve ever caught yourself overanalyzing every emotion, criticizing every reaction, or trying to be so “self-aware” that you forget how to just be—you’re not alone. There aren’t enough safe spaces where we’re allowed to exist without performance. There aren’t enough spaces that welcome curiosity without demanding immediate change.

    True self-awareness should be neutral, reflective, and spacious. It should offer choices—including the choice not to be ready for change—without shame, guilt, or inner criticism tagging along.

    As therapists, our number one tool is self-compassion and grace—and that’s what genuine self-awareness should make space for. When awareness lacks compassion and refuses to honor the complexity of being human, it stops leading us toward healing. Instead, it reinforces the same unrealistic expectations, standards, and beliefs that were often placed on us by society, family, or upbringing.

    Maybe it’s time to stop measuring ourselves against what we were told we should be—and start considering what values, expectations, and standards actually align with who we are and what we need. Healing requires beliefs that are flexible, compassionate, and realistic—ones that fit you.

    This also opens the door to deeper conversations around somatic healing—about learning to feel what’s happening in your body, rather than only analyzing it in your mind. That’s something we’ll explore more in future posts, or in work with a somatic therapist if you choose individualized support.

    But for now, I invite you to begin noticing when you start walking the path of hyper-awareness. Can you gently challenge that urge? Can you ask instead:

    “What do I actually need in this moment?“

    And can you meet the answer with compassion, not critique?

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    The Shadow Side of Self-Awareness

    In the age of therapy speak and trauma language, many of us have learned to name our patterns.

    We say things like:

    • “I know I’m avoidant.”
    • “This is just my trauma response.”
    • “I’m self-sabotaging again.”
    • “I know I have attachment issues.”

    These phrases can be helpful—until they become labels we use to shame ourselves instead of free ourselves.

    Instead of being curious, we become critical.

    Instead of healing, we begin self-monitoring to the point of emotional exhaustion.

    Instead of showing ourselves grace, we turn insight into punishment.

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    You Don’t Have to Earn Healing by Being Hyper-Aware

    There’s this subtle belief that if we’re just aware enough, insightful enough, emotionally literate enough—we’ll finally be okay.

    But here’s the truth:

    • You don’t have to dissect every part of yourself to deserve peace.
    • You don’t have to over-explain your pain for it to be valid.
    • You don’t have to fix every pattern before you’re allowed to rest, connect, or feel joy.

    ——————————————————————————————————

    The Truth Is: Awareness Without Compassion Is Just Surveillance

    True self-awareness isn’t about being “on” all the time. It’s not about catching every flaw or perfecting every response.

    It’s about:

    • Noticing without judgment
    • Meeting yourself with curiosity, not critique
    • Allowing yourself to grow gently, not forcefully

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    Soften Your Awareness

    If you’ve been using self-awareness like armor or punishment, here are some ways to shift:

    • Instead of “Why am I like this?” try “What is this part of me trying to say?”
    • Instead of labeling everything a trauma response, ask “What need is unmet here?”
    • Instead of dissecting yourself, try sitting with yourself.
    • Instead of striving to fix, allow space to feel.

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    Final Thought

    Self-awareness is meant to be a bridge, not a burden. It’s not a test you have to pass to be worthy of softness, love, or rest.

    As you continue your journey, remember: noticing your patterns is powerful—but nurturing yourself through them is where true healing begins.

    Give yourself permission to be in process—to not have it all figured out.

    You are allowed to grow at your own pace.

    You are allowed to just be.

    The most radical form of awareness is one that honors your humanity, not polices it.

    So if all you do today is pause, breathe, and meet yourself with compassion—you’re already doing the work.

    Healing asks for your presence, not your perfection.

    Let your awareness be a mirror, not a weapon.

    You’re not broken—you’re becoming.

    In softness,

    Teilor

  • A Heartfelt Hello — And Why I’m Choosing to Blog

    Hi there,

    First, I want to say thank you for stopping by. Creating this blog has been on my heart for a while now, and I’m finally giving myself permission to share in a way that feels true to who I am. I’m sure others know what that feels like.

    You might be wondering—why a blog and not videos or reels like so many others? Honestly, I’ve thought about that too. While video can be powerful, I’ve always connected more deeply through writing. Writing allows me the space to reflect, to be intentional with my words, and to speak from a quieter, more grounded place. It’s how I process the world, and it’s how I feel most authentic sharing with you.

    This blog is an extension of the work I do at Eternal Solace Counseling Services. It’s a space where I can offer gentle insights, thoughtful reflections, and practical tools to support your healing and growth—without the pressure to perform or edit for the algorithm.

    Here, it’s just you and me. A quiet moment. A shared reflection. A place to breathe.

    I’m so glad you’re here. I hope you find something in these posts that speaks to your heart and reminds you that you’re not alone.

    With warmth,

    — Teilor